Imagine going to a party and the white suburban stay at home mom with two overachiever kids and white dad who barbeques but doesn’t know how to barbeque and yet is always surrounded by other white Dads who compliment his barbqeuing even though they’re just store bought preshaped frozen patties from Ralph’s or Food 4 Less and while he’s cooking those the white mom comes out and says “okay kids, here’s some pizza!” And she pulls this out and starts telling the kids why its a “fun pizza” and then cries in her master bedroom when no one likes it or finishes it and the white dad is then consoling her why she sobs that she’s a terrible mother and ruined her fourth grade straight B+ sons birthday and thinks her kids hate her but they don’t care but she continues crying softly into her pillow while the children eat poorly cooked burgers with unmelted kraft singles and too much mayonnaise and the only other condiments are two pickles and pepper because the dad calls it his special burger with a secret spice but the spice was just pepper and the kids just keep playing E rated games on their Nintendo Wii while the 17 year old older sister starts cleaning the tragedy up and throwing away uneaten “fun pizza” and whole burgers dejected from the start while she dials Pizza Hut to get these kids an actual birthday lunch and the mother then throws a fit because the daughter did something the kids liked and she didn’t and was the only one making a huge deal out of it and the daughter was then grounded from her TV in her room for only two days and the son went to blow out the candles in his standard birthday cake from food 4 less the mom added strawberries to so she could feel she did something but was still slightly teary and sad because her day was ruined by no one wanting to eat her “fun pizza”
“If you ever wanna see a gay club truly explode, request “Gimme More” and wait for “It’s Britney, bitch” to drop — a true declaration of survival and resilience. Ten years ago, magazines had prewritten Britney’s obituary. No one had witnessed someone so famous come undone at the seams so violently and so publicly. The fact that she didn’t die makes those three words feel so much more important now when you hear it today.”
In preparation for the upcoming Skeleton War, I will be reviewing skull emojis for accuracy, scariness, and overall charm!
Very skinny jaw- has he been starved? Nonetheless, a fearsome and menacing skull who would be an asset to the Skeleton Army. Also the only one who has a chin. 7/10
The 2D look is not working here. This looks like a Halloween window decal that would fall off after two days. 2/10
Microsoft’s bold outlines usually create a disturbing image, but I feel likeit works for the skull emoji. He looks like he is emerging from the void. 6/10, looks a little like an electric socket.
He is so sad! The tilted eye sockets make him seem like he has lost all hope in the world. 3/10, pitiful and not useful to the Army.
This is a socially isolated jellyfish. 0/10
A sturdy and big-boned fellow! He would carry through his military deities with strength and perseverance. 9/10, slightly neanderthalic.
Looks like a tiny ghost. 3/10 for the nice shading on the temples.
This resembles a plastic bag with holes in it. Or an octopus with a mustache. Either way not a skull -1/10
NOW THIS IS A SCARY SKULL! He’s unsettling but that’s the look we’re going for. Supermodels envy those cheekbones. 11/10
Sickly. Brings pestilence and famine upon the skeleton army. Death to all who look upon him.
